48 Hour Film Festival

Just got back from the 48 film festival in Richmond. We didn't make it in time. Made a great film. And that's why I went. I learned so much there. So much that I'm too tired to right it all. But I've made a huge step. I've made a film. I worked with a team of 20 and we developed a story, cast it, rehearsed it, I worked with actors to get them comfortable with their lines, we found locations, solved problems, and shot some killer scenes - all with a shotgun deadline in our face. I know I'm on my way.

41/2 day

4 1/2 days until the 48 hour film fest in Richmond. My co-producer and I, though we've never worked on anything together, are putting together (what I think) is an amazing effort at preproduction. Since we don't know a genre or anything plotwise, it's been a challenge to cover all the other bases. Heather and I scouted locations yesterday, which as you can imagine, is almost impossible since we know nothing of the story. But we had fun hanging out and looking for a variety of places for photography. I can just feel my brain putting all this shit into little compartments for later. Thank you Konrad Winters for telling my to just do it. Thanks Ray.

I've done a few new things in my life. Things I always felt I wanted to do. I always knew I wanted to get married and have kids. Can't prepare for that. Always knew I wanted to run my own business. Didn't prepare for that. Just did it. Always knew I wanted to make films. Working on it.

Filmed today!

Actually filmed today. It's like learning to walk as a child (at least I'll imagine it was like this since I can't remember) and actually standing against the couch. For some reason (actually many excuses - work, kids, life) I don't get to actually film anything as much as I'd like. I mean, narrative stuff. Sure, I could walk outside and film my yard or the woods or traffic and play with my camera, but that's like jerking off. Satisfying for the time being, but unfulfilling in the long run. But today I met a couple of aspiring filmmakers who I'm participating in the 48 hour film project with. We filmed a little teaser for their site. A western spoof. Filmed it in Java for about an hour. Was great working with people. Funny. I'm shy. Not a great attribute for a filmmaker, but it's the reason I turned to writing in the first place. But being shy, I've always been aprehensive about the collaberative nature of filmmaking, but actually working with people has been the best part of this whole initiation. I've found that filmmaking brings me out, and the rush of working on a common project and having input and taking input from other artists is a blast. It's the part I most feared, but the part I most enjoy. Great discovery.

Exploring

A great screenwriter turned me on to this (thanks D), and being a writer, or someone desperately dreaming to become someone who can get the balls to actually call himself that, I took his advice and began reading the various blogs - his and those linked to his.

Astonishing.

Accomplished writers, those getting paid to write, those with the balls to introduce themselves at parties as "a writer" or even ballsier, a "screenwriter" also have moments, days, weeks, months and years where they feel as if they should just give up. I've read them like a sicko, spying into this world I so want to live in. I'm not a sicko, at least I tell myself that, but my wife would disagree. But I've read the repeated posts, the unending stream of self deprication, the echoes of my own thoughts about my future as....okay....a writer.

Right now I've never felt closer to becoming a writer. I mean, I actually write every single day. Something I've never done, even while in school trying to become a writer. I edit my shit. Something new and terrifying. I rewrite it, and have actually given copies of it to people other than my wife and mom. Pathetic, I know. But I've been busy. That's what I tell myself to feel better about all the procrastination.

But reading the blogs made me realize another thing. Reading everyone's inner thoughts and feelings, their angst and anguish is sick. I am a sicko. Unless I post mine. True, no one's reading this, but that's not the point now is it. I'm writing. I'll get better at it, and have fun with it, even if my words only ever echo back to my own ears, unheard by anyone else. They'll be said.