Halfway Through

My first semester as a teacher is coming to a close - and I haven't slit my wrist as many of my collegues have claimed I might. I bought some razors once, tied a noose one night. But, I made it so far. Actually worked in a cool lesson on my 11th graders despite the shotgun to our heads that is the SOL test.

We read "The Devil and Tom Walker" and are studying the dark Romantics - some of my favorite shit- and I introduced the short story - arguably the sweetest prose writing form there is. I personally love Carver and O'Conner, but Irving and Poe and Hawthorne are great forerunners. So, I had them write a Romantic short.

Got them in the computer lab and showed them how to format dialogue and how to build tension in their plots. It felt good. The kids loved it. They actually (most of them - not just a few like it usually is) got into it. They're not finished, but we'll be picking it back up after exams. But it really felt like teaching, like I had something to give them, roaming around the room, hearing their keyboards clipping and clapping, the silence in the room aside from that sound, their fingers stopping, their eyes gazing off into the world of their story.

Then they'd ask me to look at it.
Ask me if one detail should come before the one they had half typed, the cursor waiting for my answer.

Many of them will remember that story. Not to say any of them will be so inspired to become a writer, but I couldn't help but remember my tenth grade year, when I realized I loved to write. Shy kid, I was. You couldn't put me in front of the class for anything. But we had this journal our teacher made us write in every once in a while. It could be anything. Diary. Story. Whatever. I wrote this WWI story about this cowardly solier who tries to desert or something. I still have it. I just remember it being so descriptive, and while I wrote it I knew I wanted others to read it. In class, the teacher asked if anyone wanted to read what they wrote. Everyone, the teacher, even I was surprised to see my hand up. When I finished - they clapped. I knew I wanted that feeling. The next time she assigned the journal, I wrote knowing I would read it. I wrote the hell out of this dark piece about a guy trapped in a sewer or something. Real fucking wierd story, but again, using words like a motherfucker. The next day, the other students begged me to read. I rarely spoke in school. Kept to myself (until I met Heather), but here I was the bard of 10th grade.

I had found it. You know that it. That one thing, that one way your soul shows.
If my lesson can do that for someone all I can say is - word.

Other than that, I'm also coaching JV Baseball this year. Always dreamt of coaching baseball and teaching at the same school. God's good to me, that's for sure. Went skiing in Vermont with the other coaches and had a shit-ton of fun. Oh, I mean it was a coaches conference. That's it, that's the ticket. It just happened to be at an Indian casino. Lost a bit in blackjack, but learned a shit load I never learned about pitching. I might have actually gotten to pitch a little more in college if I knew some of the stuff they're teaching players now. But, that's that.

Finished Rewrite

I finally finished a ridiculous rewrite of a short I want to shoot this summer. I mean, this story has really changed shape. I'm not sure I've taken it in a "better" direction, but the characters have a much more realistic motivation than they did in the original.

It basically began as this southern Gothic like piece in which a little girl's imaginary friend must save her mother from an abusive father. The Gothic worked, but the characters, particulary the abusive father seemed a bit overdone and cliched to me. I couldn't tell what was making him abusive, and short of the usual alcoholic, resentful bastard shtick, I decided to rewrite him, which pointed to a rewrite of the tale. I resisted this, at first, because it was basically a true "revision" in the sense that it was almost not the same story. But I decided to go for it because my initial rewrite balooned the short into a 34 page monster far beyond my means of production. So, I killed the daughter - literally - and decided to focus on a present action - took the process to my college short story writing roots - FIND THE PRESENT ACTION.

It turned out as a story of a couple trying to move on after the loss of their daughter. The action actually begins on the day (two years after her death) that they try packing up her room. The daughter's ghost, upon hearing they intend to move on and try to restart their family, decides to haunt the mother (in a nice way) to prevent her from forgetting her. The father, however, cannot see the ghost, thinks his wife is losing it (or that he doesn't love his daughter enough to see her spirit) - and the story goes from there. Still have my doubts about about the pacing, as I might be cramming too much into 20 pages. But then again, I read it and think nothing really happens. I just don't know. My daughter likes it. Heather's listened to it, a lot. She'd tell me if she hated it. I think. But I'm setting it down for a month to write something else, something short and simple. Maybe I'll finish my Teenie Bop TV script that my daughter loves. But I want to write a short prose story, and I think I found the simple scene for it. It's a Raymond Carveresque tale that came to me this weekend.


It is a simple scene, based on a true story, of a man and woman moving in a heavy piece of furniture into their home while having a serious marital fight about a dead relative. Hope to make it five to seven pages and I may write it into a short script later. Haven't slapped much prose on paper in a while and was going through some old stuff, and man, I actually used to write all right.

Anyway...other bits...writing music recommendations - THEIVERY CORPORATION and FILLA BRAZILLA - trippy, sometimes Jazzy, sometimes hip-hoppy, always fresh world sounds...nice instrumentals, good for creating. Recommend hitting pandora.com and typing either of these names in.

Also finsihed an edit (actually months ago) on a Christian hip-hop vid for an artist doing great things for people in Downtown S-Town - that's Suffolk to the outsiders. His name's PT Rolla Mane, and the song is MOG (Man of God). Ch-ch-check it.

Teaching

I have put down my 12th graders' compare and contrast essays to indulge my jealousy of those on the various blog postings and their recent strides toward their dreams of writing for money. I too wish to write for money. It's supposedly bad to write that, I think, but let's face it - it would be much easier to justify sitting home in my office with the cat in my lap writing if I was actually getting paid to do it. At least my father-in-law would say so. As for me, my constant self guilt trip agrees. I am writing - a little. I'm mostly teaching others to write - or at least that's what I'm trying to do. However, I'm not sure I myself can write. Seems absurd, considering I've practiced it more than I've practiced anything in my life. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to it. Maybe that's why while I'm driving, all I can think of is telling a story. Or when I hear a song I like, I only know I love it when I see a story under it or set to it. Maybe that's why when I don't get time to do it or do it on the level I want, I'm depressed. It's so damn hard and challenging, and to do it well is so subjective and illusive and shifting - it drives me mad.



Teaching is cool though. For my first year, I can tell it's something I will be good at. Will it make me happy? Sometimes it already does. But, sometimes it makes me so frustrated and resentful of what I perceive as wasted energy. For each student I inspire, I see nine who resent my efforts. Being face to face with the apathy that is eroding our culture is depressing. However, seeing the light turned on in that one, and being one of the people who helps throw the switch makes up for it. But, like I said, one in ten.



But, I've kept writing a bit. I'm on page 16 of a rewrite that I hope will only hit 20 pages. I've gone back to plot structure and motivation and making sure each character has opposing motives and goals. The first drafts of the short seemed gratuitous in certain ways, and I wanted more realism. So, I tried reimagining the story - reimagining it as a story with no bad guy - just somone who has a different goal than my protagonist - a worthy and understandable goal, but one that just doesn't jive with the main character's. Really need to have the draft done by New Years, so I can start picking it apart and planning to shoot it in the summer. We'll see.

More writing

I've been on a tear lately. Writing wise. I think the quality is there (in small amounts perhaps - they are all early drafts). But the quantity is definately there.

The short I just revised is moving in the right direction. I made it longer, which is an issue if I want to shoot it with my shaky production experience. I was going for shorter, but the writer in me is always like, "fuck your shaky production skills - shoot it when you're good. Or get fucking good NOW, you prick".

The writer in me is so John Blaze and the producer in my is so Eyore sometimes. But confidence comes with experience. Like having sex for the first time. There's a lot to take in. A lot to do and play with. You're in a rush. You're done. Poor poor job, hope you get a chance to do it again. That's how my first short went. I think everyone's first time's like that...right?

So I wrote it longer. It's still got a small cast, few locations, and good story.

I have also begun a tv script. Its a child/family story called Madison Avenue - about a girl and her dog and her dreams of being the next pop diva... This is quite a stray from my tendancy towards dark shit. Surprisingly, it's coming pretty well. Having fun with it at this point.

Still haven't gotten the huevos to rewrite Redmoon, but I read the Knucklehead's notes the other day and began confronting some tough decisions. It's a thriller/horror all mixed up with this drama-pseudo history plot. Got some good advice on it. Now just need to sit down and reenvision it.

Well, done with the break.

When it Rains...

July is to me what the sixties are to American history.

Usually turbulent, filled with crisis and sometimes, hope too.

For example, the first July we were open, Java limped to the six month mark, my house was nearly in foreclosure, we were staying in a house we were trying to fix and flip (which is hard when you haven't the money even to pay your own mortgage), and to top it off, my brother and I had a blow out about the coffee shop.
I thought we'd never speak again. (we do now, but it's not the same...won't ever be.)

Every July, sales lag, bills keep coming, and I usually wonder what I'll do with my life.

Last July, we nearly closed. Sales reached an all time low. Gas, and milk and coffee and all food really took a leap - which for a restaurant is no picnic.

This July, however, refused to adhere to that ugly trend. Despite the leap in gas prices, business has been steady. I finished another short script and have sent it out for notes (plan to spend next July shooting it).

AND I GOT A JOB!

My father sighs a huge gust of relief knowing I'll be "working for the man" as he puts it. I'll be teaching high school English at a local school - so the bills will be paid. I'll be using my degree for Christ's sake! Now I don't have to laugh every time I write those student loan checks.

I've got solid help at the shop. Looking to add one more to round out the crew, but stepping away is going more smoothly at this point than I'd imagined. I'm sure it will be a constant nagging (hopefully a profitable nagging), but it'll nag nevertheless.

In addition, I've nearly completed the first episode of The Adventures of Tone Loc - a reality mockumentary filmed in downtown Suffolk.

And if all that weren't plenty - I'm working on the 48hour film project with some killer people who will no doubt leave me with much more knowledge than I had before.

To the universe,
karma, God,
or whomever,
Thanks for this July. Just don't make me pay for it with an awful august.

Humbling Perspective

Watched Gangs of New York last night / this morning for the forth time in a month. This time with the director's commentary. Holy shit! Marty's a genius. Worked on the project 30 fucking years! He read probably 100 books just to develop this one story - not counting the other brilliant films he made in the meantime. Just so damn humbling to hear a master. His script saw probably 10 drafts from countless writers from the inception of the story to the production. The Knucklehead spoke of perspective in a few previous posts. I've never throught of my stories with even a tenth of the depth and dedication that Marty (and I call him Marty because we're that tight) has. After hearing the master's lecture last night, I have two choices. Sit down with everything I've "written" and rethink each character and pour myself into them and let them pour themselves out the way they should be onto the paper......or, take up rock climbing instead. Since I'm afraid of heights....where's my steno book?

Building a Legend

Well, that might be a slight overstatement...but who knows. Either way, this project is finally well underway. I've squared away a narrative structure ( I think), and have cut away all the dead footage. Still need to trim, work in transitions, layer audio, effects, music, sound, titles, format....yada yada yada. Basically all the fun stuff. This is the part I love most. Widdling it down this far can get mundane. Wading through the crap to get to the 90 min of stuff that's worth watching - can actually be like work. But cutting further and shaping into something you'd actaully (hopefully) want to watch, twice even, that's the shit, maine. But here's a funny little clip for dat ass.

Hello

Dave's return to the blog has inspired me to repost. Haven't done much (any) "writing", but still editing. Seems editing video (mostly music videos at this point) is my favorite thing to do. I think about writing and actually wrote a few poems (which I haven't done in about 2 years) the other weekend when I was down. But as far as developing new projects, shorts and things, I've fallen off. However, have made a few videos, and looking back over the year, I hadn't a one under my belt. Sad for a guy claiming to want to learn this art. But now, I've shot, wrote, cut, and published 12 actual videos. I know so much more about what I'm doing with a collection of clips, have a system down, and can have fun. Here's another racing video I just finished for a guy trying to break into professional racing. It's his promo, and it is my second paid project. (unless you cound the 8 gansta rap vids which you can check out on myspace.com/149films). I think it turned out well. Learned a shit load.

Also, finally got the studio version of a song for The Adventures of Tone Loc. It's a reality bit about a local celebrity with dreams of making it big...I've just begun taking notes on the clips. The camera work is decent considering I only had my camera for two weeks when we decided to shoot it. No boom. No lights. No knowledge. The material is funny. Real funny actually. I think a 27 min finished product. With a small music video at the end. It should keep me busy for a while. But, then I won't have to do anymore gangsta rap vids...for a while.

Rolex24

My first hired gig. This is the commercial for the 20 min weekend wrap up that I'm working on now. So far, the biggest challenge is the bad audio. God, I'd give my left nut for wireless mics! Good thing I'm already done with that nut anyway. So I am writing a voice over narration for the whole thing. Heather will do her breathy British voice, and I've got some beautiful pictures to tell the story with. But anyway...here's the commercial.

First short done.

It's done. On dvd in all its glory. All its glitches. All the missed lighting opportunities. The small serendipity moments that made up for all the short comings of having such a small crew and so little experience and knowledge. But I can say, it's done. I know I could edit it forever. Reshoot scenes I failed to light. Reperform voiceover. Record folley. But, honestly, I'm sick of this project - working on it anyway. I think that's normal. I wrote the story in 1998 as a short for freshman creative writing. Dusted it off and revised it during my short MFA stint. Made it great. Failed making my first short last year. But in the past year I've been determined to produce something - to learn - to see a story, a string of words and sounds and encrypted images come alive before my eyes - and eventually the eyes of others. Watering Stones always has been the story I've previsualized most. Sure, it could use some touches...but one day, I'll look back at this short and wonder how the hell I pulled it off...knowing little if anything about actual production, having little if anything besides a great story, determination, and a few great friends to guide me through, and an awesome wife to kick me in the ass whenever I doubted myself. (not to mention awesome kids! - as seen in the film). I don't often lift my creations up with confidence like this...but that's just another thing I better get used to doing...because if I can't...who the hell will. Thanks to all that inspired this effort...you all know who you are.

Projects

Watering Stones is entering it's final phaze (I think), and keeping busy has been easy. Polishing up another short script called Penny Wise - a southern gothic piece about a little girl (Juju) who dreams of a little orphan girl (Penny) who looks just like her. Penny has a secret she's just dieing to share with Juju - and what it is will change everything - for good. It's pretty tight and easy to shoot. Just three actors - two key locations and two bit locations.

Aside from that, I'm getting involved with that Regent U. group and have a pre-production meeting at Regent on Monday. It's cool working and watching other new filmmakers handle problems and stress and creativity. Teaches alot. I'm looking forward to working around someone else's vision to help bring it out. I don't know exactly what my role will be, but I've got a solid prospect for their primary location through a regular at Java. And...he has a plane. It's a fairly short - short, but should be interesting watching the producer and director impart their vision, a thing I have trouble with. I have the vision and it makes sense to me - but I struggle with "delicately" conveying what I want.

And...a "dead" project seems to be trying to rear its ugly head. Shot a mockumentary/"reality" show with a buddy in South Suffolk, called The Adventure of Tone Loc. Been sitting on the footage waiting for him to make a studio version of the song. He's back from NY with a track (and an album) and he wants to push forward with it. That could be an editing extravaganza. We've got like 6 hours worth of footage, and I only envision 30-45 min worth of narrative in it. So...need to get Heather her own computer.

And many others...I've noticed having ideas isn't the problem, its deciding which are worth the precious amount of time I'm able to spend on this right now. Been shooting in the yard for food...still haven't hit that bubbling crude.

Javalicious

As much shit as I give my shop for holding me hostage, I owe it alot (not really, since I've been paying it a whole helluva lot more than it's been paying me). But seriously, it's been the single biggest motivator for me as a writer. For one, when we were slow, I had a job where I could sit down, have killer coffee, listen to killer tunes, and actually write without a boss telling me to
"look busy". For two, I've met great people. People who've inspired me in various ways, or connected me, or showed me a way. I met a few more people like that over the past couple weekends.

Last weekend, a Regent University group used the shop as a location for their short film "Eyes to Dishonesty", a short about a cheating man and wife whose infidelities are revealed by the honest eyes (and mouth) of their son. Great experience. Great people. Got to talking with them and one of the guys is shooting another short out here in Suffolk. One thing I've learned lately is the biggest asset an aspiring filmmaker (or aspiring anything) is to meet other people who want to make films. There are no solo projects, and meeting these folks and more folks like these is the biggest step I can take. Yesterday, the DP and the producer came in the shop and asked if I'd like to help. Of course, I said yes. Gotta love Java.

This weekend I had another experience I'm sure I'd never have had without this place. I f
shot a revival at a local nondemoninational church. The youth minister is an amazing guy named Dominique Epps. I mean, this guy actually donated a kidney to a girl in this church who he never met, saved her life. Talk about putting up or shutting up. The real deal. Got some amazing footage of this young man inspiring some folks who have lost all hope at their dreams. A real eye opener. Can't wait to edit it into something great for the guy.

Also, worked on my first few scenes of ADR. That shit's tough. Definately need to tighten up my production sound skills or find a good sound guy (from the Regent Crew) who can keep me from having to mess with this shit again. All in all, productive, blessed, and ready to eat the shit out of some turkey.

3 Years as The Gimp

The shop turned three today! I can't believe it. I never thought it would be this f-ing hard! But looking back on all the strife and triumph thus far, I can say without a doubt....I'll never open a restaurant again!

Joking aside, I wouldn't change it if I could.

STILL cutting

Editing ain't no jive. Shit's hard. Much respect for those that do it for dough. Picked up some scenics today and still have a few reshots to get before I have all the pictures I want. Editing really shows you how bad of a director you are. Man. I mean, forget a few closeups and your scene is fucked! Forget to nail that long shot, and you're stuck with all close ups for a really disorienting scene. I'll be a much better director after this.

Got some music for the film from my man Junior Jones. Just need to remaster it and add some darker notes to it. All in all, the whole thing is turning out better than I thought it would. And that's nice. I mean, some scenes aren't the way I'd imagined them, and some are better. So, now I'll just edit the film towards those strengths.

So far, star of the show, my little man above. Alex, as Bene (the lead) as a child. That's a still from the film. He's a damn natural.

Cut'n a rug

Now the fun begins. I'm somewhat of a hermit, so editing appeals to me. With only a day of reshoots to put down, I'm just sitting in the dark with the headphones on - in peace. Nothing like spending all day talking to people, making their samiches, their coffee, listening to them complain, holding my complaints hostage in my head - then finally being able to escape into this little movie I've got trying to be born.

Production always humbles me. I've only tried it twice (the first was a disaster of ignorance), but I have the utmost respect for you long time TV and filmmakers. You got balls kids. Sitting with the script and dreaming of the shots, you start to think "I can do this". You get the people in space and the problems start coming faster than you can remember how to address them, and I just sit back and go "Wow, this is so much harder than I thought." But that's what draws me to it. But again, this time last year, I was bemoaning a failed attempt at shooting a short, and this year I have one within my grasp to edit! I've moved forward. Maybe a millimeter, maybe even a shorter distance than that, but still, forward. That's all that matters, right?

Back to writing as well...

Still have about twenty or thirty pages to put into a feature that I'm thinking is good.

Then, maybe a few little commercials for the shop for a demo reel and our website.

Then, maybe another short - this one a one location - one act deal so I can work on lighting and acting technique.

Got to read a working writer's script and learned a ton of stuff (thanks David) - how I can put more style into action description and be a little more playful than I've been (among other things).

Just actually have to switch back into writing mode - find the time, refind the story and still edit the movie.

Two days

Two days until we shoot Watering Stones. I feel like I have everything squared away. Did a read-through with the actors Monday. Have another on Thursday night. We shoot Friday all day, Saturday all day, and Sunday is reserved for pick-ups and reshoots. My boy (pictured above) actually has a ton of lines, and he sat in the read-through and picked all them up from listening. Went home and went over them before bed, and he's already got them memorized. You can tell by looking at him, he's that cool.

I feel like a boxer who's ready to fight, but has to shadow box for two more days. Waiting is unnerving. I'm very impatient when it comes to things like this. Need to find a way to channel the anticipation and not explode.

Two days.

Friday, hurry up and come.

Casting

The summer's almost gone. I could say without a doubt, it was our best one yet. Moved into a new house, out of the bad hood, into a good one. Heather's become a working photographer. I'm working on a film project. The kids have just continued being the two coolest kids - learned to fish, swim, ride two wheels, hit a baseball, paint a house, act in a movie. All in one summer. Nothing I can think of beats fishing with my son for the first time. We caught these catfish that swim up near pa-inlaw's dock. It's almost like catching a house pet, but Alex loved it. Tossed it back. I can see that moment having been had between father and son probably since the first time humans hunted fish. He liked casting the best.

Mine for the films is done as well! I think. I've called back the girl. The pastor is great. I mean, he's more experienced than I'd hoped for in what's basically a student film project (without even the filmschool sanction). But I don't have a Bene. I'm leaning towards playing him. I mean, I wrote the story in first person, and it's quite a polished story. I know the character, and if I threw in some blue contacts, could match myself to my son (whose playing Bene as a boy). But I'm concerened how to direct and act at the same time. Seems alot like trying to play the guitar and sing at the same time, without knowing how to do either.

Other than that...rolling. Storyboarded pretty heavily. Planning on turning the house into a church on Saturday. I have these huge deck boards left over from the deck we just put on, and I'm erecting a real live crucifix in the yard for all to behold. With that, a few nailed to the house complete with a cemetery and wire fence. All the locations are secured and accessable throughout preproduction. Should be a blast.

Gun Nuts

Let me preface this with, I hate guns. If I were classifying myself before running for national office, I would be a self-proclaimed anti-gun liberal. With that said:

This weekend I shot a kick-ass AK-47, a 12 guage shotgun that about blew my shoulder off when it kicked back on me, and a little .22 rifle with scope. Never shot a gun before. I have to admit, it has a moment of exilaration that comes with it, followed by a moment of disappointment (much like the other first time with a more familiar lower caliber gun). I mean, shooting pepsi cans and folding chairs--come on. NRA masturbation at its best. Cool pictures of me shooting the weapons aside, still don't see what the big love affair with the thunder stick is. And neither could my dog. However, my boy love it! To see a five year old, peering down the scope at the poor helpless orange juice bottle on a stump....I felt like I was in Palestine, training my son to defend his sisters from the evil forces of some other religion. My daughter was much like me. She fired the weapon, but didn't ask again. Even turned down second opportunities. Heather wouldn't touch the things.

Of course, we weren't shooting in our back yard. We took the kids camping for the first time, so I felt it was in the spirit of the trip to let my kids fire lethal weapons. To be honest, I caved under the pressure of my son's begging eyes, and he's such a cool ass kid, I just couldn't say no. If he ends up commiting some sort of Columbine killing years from now, refer to this post to call me a bozo.

All in all, one of the top five weekends of my life. Without a doubt. Wife was awesome. Kids were awesome. Sister-in-law and her boyfriend were great company, and though I don't mesh that well with gun-toating F-350 driving types, he and I got along great. I'm just more of a nancy I guess. I like books and writing. He was asking me to go on a hike every five minutes. Aside from that, though, once I fired a few hundred rounds of lead, he let me be on the hiking thing. I read a little. Wrote on the way home. Thought a ton about how lucky I am to have such a bomb ass family.

As far as Watering Stones goes, got home and weeded through headshots. Called back 5 girls for the female lead - 3 guys for the male lead - and three for the male supporting. Auditions are on the 15th. I'm a bit nervous. Never taken myself this serious. It occurred to me, that this step is alot like stepping up on kareoke night and having to decide whether or not to give it your all, sing like you feel it in your bones, or just go up there and goof off so you don't get hurt when you fail. I now have a responsibility to sing all the vocals like there were mine. Fuck the drunks in the second row talking through my prerecorded set of John Mayer tunes that I'm singing from my toes. I have to belt it out. These three actors will force me to take myself seriously. Those three days of shooting, I'll HAVE to be a director, not some coffee boy, but a director damnit! Action, bitches.

My kids love acting

The Wizard of Oz

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Goofed around with the kids one day. They loved this and actually knew the lines between each other before ever showing me. Went to my mom's house the weekend prior and she put them in these costumes and they said the lines to each other. I just had to put them where I wanted. I can say without a doubt, they are better kids than any parent deserves. I mean, like two good friends with you all the time.

Nothing like moving to get you moving

Feeling good. Posted call for actors and crew. Already got two people on board who I worked with on the 48hour film. Both great people. One has a crane. Crane shots I wrote will work, and he's another awesome photographer. A few good looking leads on actors, especially the bad guy. No female leads yet. No male leads. Have guy who says he'll play him, but he's not an actor. Fits the look and has the desire. Sometimes wanting to do something is more an asset than knowing how to do something. But I plan on waiting about two to three weeks to do auditions. I'm pleased at the response. Anyway, tonight I storyboard. But first, dinner and kid-time.