Exploring

A great screenwriter turned me on to this (thanks D), and being a writer, or someone desperately dreaming to become someone who can get the balls to actually call himself that, I took his advice and began reading the various blogs - his and those linked to his.

Astonishing.

Accomplished writers, those getting paid to write, those with the balls to introduce themselves at parties as "a writer" or even ballsier, a "screenwriter" also have moments, days, weeks, months and years where they feel as if they should just give up. I've read them like a sicko, spying into this world I so want to live in. I'm not a sicko, at least I tell myself that, but my wife would disagree. But I've read the repeated posts, the unending stream of self deprication, the echoes of my own thoughts about my future as....okay....a writer.

Right now I've never felt closer to becoming a writer. I mean, I actually write every single day. Something I've never done, even while in school trying to become a writer. I edit my shit. Something new and terrifying. I rewrite it, and have actually given copies of it to people other than my wife and mom. Pathetic, I know. But I've been busy. That's what I tell myself to feel better about all the procrastination.

But reading the blogs made me realize another thing. Reading everyone's inner thoughts and feelings, their angst and anguish is sick. I am a sicko. Unless I post mine. True, no one's reading this, but that's not the point now is it. I'm writing. I'll get better at it, and have fun with it, even if my words only ever echo back to my own ears, unheard by anyone else. They'll be said.